I missed you guys terribly but I needed to go away for a while. I needed to be by myself, I needed to find my centre, my reason for doing things, my mojo so to speak.
For a long time I was fighting against myself. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to continue what I was doing whether it be creating content via the written word or the musical note.
I wasn’t very happy with my life and how I was living it. It wasn’t nourishing and sustaining me on a creative level.
My heart just wasn’t in it anymore, I was in a dark place under a black cloud at the bottom of a big hole and I needed to just sit there in it, embrace where I was at the time and allow these awkward feelings to pass.
Thankfully, it has eventually passed and now I am embarking on my slow recovery back towards a point in my life where everything has come full circle. I am slowly rediscovering what it means to be ME again.
The creative, the songwriter, the musician, the blogger and the artist.
Through this extended period of self reflection, it’s taken me until now to realise how much damage I have done to myself, my self confidence and my ability to create by putting what I really wanted to do (my own music) to one side whilst playing covers for a living.
I mistakenly thought that I was doing the right thing for my music career but at the same time, I was falling for the myth that I can always come back to my originals “at a later date.”
Just like tomorrow, “a later date” never comes.
I realised that being underappreciated at best and being overtly ignored at worst by audiences of angry drunks, narcissists, apathetics and the perpetually ignorant, took a real toll on my artistic vision to the point of being totally clueless as to what I was going to do next.
I’m sick and tired of second guessing myself, overthinking probabilities and just chasing the money with my work rather than fulfilling an artistic need.
Right now though, things are different…
Since the beginning of 2018, my return from the wilderness has be a very stop/start affair. I had become confused lost my way so much that I had found myself plunging head first into CoverLand again. I was starting to redefine my repertoire and mapping out what venues to target all because it seemed to be a path of less resistance in my journey back to live performance but luckily, I caught myself out.
I knew deep down through the magic of hindsight that I couldn’t do covers for a living anymore while at the same time, carve out a career as a performing songwriter. Deep down I didn’t really want to but somehow I arrogantly thought I could do a better job this time of living between these two opposite worlds.
So I just stopped… And by doing so, I dodged a very large bullet
Today, I am for the last time, saying goodbye to Corey the covers musician, the human jukebox who tried so, so hard (but ultimately in vain) to be all things to everybody and became miserable in the process and welcoming back into my life the songwriter, musician and full time creative being that I have always been but had stupidly ignored and put to one side for so many years.
It’s nice to finally come home.