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I have been living in Yankalilla for over 12 months now and in that time a lot of things have happened, some things have been good and some haven’t but all in all, my quest for living a slower, steadier, simpler and more silent life down in the Fleurieu has been a successful one so far.

I’ve managed to continue running my web design/online marketing business ZenWeb Systems from home as well as diving head first into the world of live performance again but this time taking advantage of the plethora of gigs that are available down this way.

I’m also building SongMachine, a commercially viable recording studio out the back of my house. This is about 70% done and with every day that passes my excitement for this new phase of my music career grows.

In addition to all of this, I haven’t watched the news/commercial TV since I got here and my life has been less stressful because of it. 

My motto is… If there is news that I need to know, I’ll know about it via social media and friends. If there’s news that has nothing to do with me then I don’t need to know.

Even though I had always considered myself a “city-slicker” I really don’t miss Adelaide at all and look for opportunities to NOT go over the hill into town. 

I’ve noticed of late that as I drive into the city I can feel the collective stress of Adelaide begin to course through me but when I leave I can feel that collective stress disappear as I pass Sellicks Beach and head towards the hills for home.

There was a huge speed bump in my progress though as halfway through 2023 I felt the effects of intense loneliness and depression which was a result of finally being able to come to terms with my grief and breaking through the fear of what a post-Mara life would look like for myself. 

Right now, I am now in the best place I can be

Another part of that speed bump is that my health needs to get back on track again. I have let things go a bit as I have attempted to just allow things to happen in the pursuit of slowing down my life and letting things “be” for the time being.

No health goals, no exercise, just aimlessly floating. This needs to change.

The end of 2023 and the beginning of 2024 was also difficult because of the bookmarks that I needed to get through such as Mara’s birthday, anniversary of her passing and our wedding anniversary just to name a few. Christmas is never fun as well.

From going through those bookmarks I was surprised that even though it was a very hard experience to bear, I am having a better relationship with my emerging post-Mara life.

I am now feeling more “awake” to what is happening after everything that I have been through and I feel that 2024 is the year for me to start getting my life back in order again after allowing myself to aimlessly float in a holding pattern for a while. I am ready to really come back to the land of the living.

Just to recap, I have so much to look forward to…

  • I am happy where I am at
  • The gigs are building up
  • I am gainfully and autonomously employed
  • The recording studio (SongMachine) dream is almost a reality

This excites me.

I have a long way to go in attaining the slow, steady, simple and silent life I want but I’m glad to say that I am a long way down the path then where I was 12 months ago.

Peace,

Corey 🙂

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You know, as I get on with the day to day business that is my life, I’m realising more and more that for most of the time we are all making up our lives as we go along which to a recovering control freak like myself, comes as a great relief.

Yes, that’s right, a recovering control freak.

Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I love to be in control, even though that I knew intellectually that the notion of control is but only an illusion.

Feeling in control has made me feel safe and secure with the world around me and the upside of this feeling is that I consider myself a very organised and punctual person.

The downside to always wanting to be in control is that I would almost always get highly stressed out when situations don’t go according to the pre-determined plan that I have in my own head.

I’d get so stressed it would at times paralyse me.

I really loathe this feeling of being out of control but I didn’t really know how I could rectify this, a pattern that has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

The realisation that we’re all making our lives up as we go along eliminates the need for me to compare my life with the life of others around me and therefore disengage myself from this need to be in control all the time.

Yes, I know that some people have their lives together more than others and I also know that we’re all unique in our own abilities, our history and the way we look at the world around us, but deep down we all want the same things, such as love, respect, validation, acknowledgement, recognition and happiness

When I look at life in this way I realise deep down we are all in the same boat.

Right now I’m working on creating some sort of balance between my need to have everything in my life catalogued and in its place and at the same time, being totally spontaneous.

Quite a challenge when it think about it but not an impossible thing for me to achieve.

I reckon there’s a song in this…

Peace,

Corey 🙂

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Today marks the second anniversary of Mara’s passing and I look back on a previous entry to help me reflect on what has transpired over the last two years.

In this previous entry I noted that what I had learned was that…

  • Life is far too short for me to be waiting for permission to do something with it
  • Fear is all in my head
  • I suffer fools even less gladly than I normally would
  • People spend too much time complaining about first world problems

I still think and feel these things but since then I have also noticed that…

  • Slipping back into old habits is easy, maintaining new habits is hard
  • Momentum is something you need to constantly work at
  • You never, ever take anything for granted
  • Community and your connection to it is more important than ever

It’s amazing what comes out of you if you give yourself the time and permission to just sit and reflect (and not feel guilty about it).

Even though it’s been two years, not a day goes by where I am reminded of Mara and how much of a positive influence she has had on my life.

Sometimes this fact energises me and (most) other times it really hits me hard in the feels but today I wanted to celebrate how special and uniquely original Mara was and the best way for me to do that is with a song.

This song is called One Of A Kind and I wrote this in 2018 after Mara put up a fridge magnet with the first part of a beautiful quote from Pope John Paul II on it.

The full quote is…

“The human being is single, unique, and unrepeatable, someone thought of and chosen from eternity, someone called and identified by name”

The quote inspired me so much that I wrote and demoed the song in just under a couple of hours and it was one of Mara’s favourite songs of mine.

Mara was definitely one of a kind. Always was and always will be.

Peace,

Corey 🙂

One Of A Kind
©2018 C. Stewart

You managed to find your way
Through all the obstacles in this game of life
And through the challenges you faced
You made it through to the other side

You never know how much you mean to me
But it’s so obvious as far as I can see

Did you know that you are one of a kind
Yes you are, something so magical
Did you know that you are one of a kind
Yes you are, something irreplaceable

Nothing short of a miracle
Is what you are and what you’ll always be
I don’t why we try so hard
To be somebody else coz we’re all we need

You never know how much you mean to me
But it’s so obvious as far as I can see

Did you know that you are one of a kind
Yes you are, something so magical
Did you know that you are one of a kind
Yes you are, something irreplaceable

Interlude…

You never know how much you mean to me
But it’s so obvious as far as I can see

Did you know that you are one of a kind
Yes you are, something so magical
Did you know that you are one of a kind
Yes you are, something irreplaceable

Did you know that you are one of a kind
Yes you are, something so magical
Did you know that you are one of a kind
Yes you are, something irreplaceable

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To increase your ability to generate songwriting ideas, it’s necessary to increase your life experience, and that means getting out of your comfort zone and embracing what life has to offer you.

Imagine having the confidence to fully experience your life with the knowledge that there’s a great song to be written as a result of the risk being taken.

That’s a mighty powerful way of looking at life.

A prime example of a situation that can benefit from this way of thinking is the awkward, clumsy and very vulnerable beginnings of falling in love. So many people just don’t take the risk for the fear of getting hurt.

Now, the fear of getting hurt is certainly a real one, no doubt about that but my argument is that if you’re committed to songwriting as a pathway to experiencing your life to the full then it is your duty as a songwriter to take the risk and go with it.

If whatever you take the risk on works out then you have some great songs to write. If it doesn’t work out then you still have some great songs to write (with perhaps a bit of therapy thrown in for good measure).

How can you lose?

Going out of your way to fully experience your life doesn’t mean having to endure mammoth changes, swings and roundabouts or extreme tragedy. It’s the little things that you can do to break the habits and routines of your day to day life that make all the difference.

Here are some examples of little things you can do to get more out of your life and therefore, get more out of your songwriting.

  • Go see a movie by yourself
  • Take a long walk on the beach
  • Go for a drive
  • Call a friend you haven’t spoken too in ages
  • Strike up a conversation with a complete stranger
  • Catch public transport
  • Go to a cafe and write (or start writing) in your journal
  • Smile at people and watch their reactions
  • Meditate and listen
  • Go skydiving (Optional – I can understand if people find this a little extreme)

    Generally, we try so hard to control everything in our lives so we don’t experience anything that we would consider as bad; however, by choosing songwriting as a way to experience life, we can relax and allow our lives to unfold before our eyes.

    Then we write a song about it.

    Just think, if you look at your life in this way, you will never be able to use the excuse “I don’t have anything to write about” ever again.

    What do you think about songwriting as a way to experience more out of life? What aspect of your life can you change up or do a little different today? How would that change affect you? Would you write a song about it?

    Remember (even if it is for the sake of your songwriting process), don’t ever be afraid to fully experience your life, choose it.

    Peace,

    Corey 🙂

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    For anyone who is visiting this site and reading this blog for the very first time, I extend the warmest of welcomes to you.

    It’s my goal to keep you coming back for more. More content about my life and the songwriting, music business and home recording components of it.

    However, for those of you who have known me either personally or from afar over the years, you’ll see yet another attempt from me to start up Corey Stewart Online only to have it disappear from the internet under the guise of being “under construction” or whatever excuse I can come up with.

    I’m not intending to make this post sound like a total beat up on myself however, I am telling the truth here.

    I’ve stopped and started many times with my websites and with each version of Corey Stewart Online (and other blogs) created, I’ve crossed my fingers and hoped that this would be the last time that I wipe the online slate clean and start again.

    So, what makes this time any different? Nothing really, but I am however, much more motivated than I have been in the past and this is the reason why.

    Mara, my partner (and muse) for fifteen years and my wife for almost six, passed away on November 22nd, 2020 and from that moment on, my life irreversibly changed.

    Whereas before I was a perfectionist, always willing to wipe the slate clean and start again in the hope that next time around whatever I was working on would be perfect, I am now not so hung up on perfection.

    Whereas before I was a control freak, getting upset if the slightest deviation of my planned day was to be experienced, I am now not so hung up on control.

    Whereas before I was ultra-competitive to the point of being jealous, not finding the joy in the success of others over my own endeavours, I am now not so hung up on competition.

    And what has been the driver of this change?

    It’s the fact that life is far, far too short to engage in these empty emotional activities that don’t get you anywhere except a one way ticket to misery and suffering.

    As for Corey Stewart Online… Well, this blog is my way of addressing the famous quote from Socrates.

    “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

    Two of the main things that Mara taught me was to first of all, embrace life with both hands and secondly, to treat other the way that they would want to be treated.

    She did this just by living her life and it was an absolute joy to be around her when she was in full Mara mode.

    Being in full Mara mode meant that Mara was 100% in the moment, just by being herself. She knew what being her meant because she lived an examined life.

    Whereas me, I was still living on autopilot.

    I want to live my life in full Mara mode too which means I need to stop living on autopilot and examine, embrace and explore what it really means to be ME.

    Hence starting up Corey Stewart Online again but this time I’m not coming at this from a place of ego, I’m coming at this from a place of learning… About myself.

    So, if you’re a first time visitor to Corey Stewart Online and first time reader of this blog and you’re still here… Just know that there’s a lot of history attached to this site but at the end of the day, I think we’re going to get along just fine.

    For those of you that know me either personally or from afar… Thank you for sticking by me and this time around, I wont let you down.

    And Mara, wherever you are… The memories of you that I hold dear will not be in vain. It is now the driving force behind everything that I do.

    Peace,

    Corey