Yes, I know I’ve been a bit quiet of late which has been due to a distinct lack of motivation on my part.
The lack of motivation has come from not being able to drive my car since March 20th because it was defected while driving home at from a gig.
Initially the police pulled me over for a random breath test but once they realised that I hadn’t had a drink they proceeded to defect my car for having faded brake lights, a faulty seatbelt and a faulty accelerator pedal.
These three items were fixed up easily enough but I tell you, not being able to drive has really, really mucked me around. I now have a greater appreciation of what it’s like to not have working transport at your disposal.
For instance getting to gigs over the last four weeks has been a logistical nightmare of co-ordinating a ride up and back from the venue and making sure that there’s enough room to fit in all of the gear.
I’ve also not been able to get to the studio to record any more tracks for the CD but to tell you the truth, even if I could get there, my state of mind has not been conducive to create anything.
I must say though, not having a car has enabled me to find out some things about myself that I hadn’t noticed before. I’ve realised that being totally reliant on the help of others has sent my brain into some sort of cognitive dissonance.
I’m amazed at how much my pride has gotten in the way of my outlook to this situation, as if I’m still stuck in that “being a man = having a car” mentality.
When all of this first happened I actually got quite angry and then depressed about the whole thing. I’m sure for someone on the outside looking in, me getting depressed over a car would seem quite strange.
I mean, it’s just a car right?
But I’ve been thinking, my car means more to me than something that takes me from A to B. It means independence, self reliance, being able to make one’s way in life and being the one in a possible position of helping others rather than being the one to be helped.
I never realised how one defect notice can open a whole can of emotional worms. On the brighter side, I can now see some light at the end of this tunnel.
About a week and a half ago I had to take the car for a full inspection over at Regency Park so to make sure the car was presented in its best light I got it detailed plus, the engine was steam cleaned from top to bottom. As it turned out I was given another defect notice with a longer list of things to be fixed up (but at least the car looked a million bucks).
I’m taking the car to my mechanic tomorrow to fix up the rest of the stuff with another trip to Regency Park for its last inspection soon after. Hopefully I’ll be given the green light and I can join the rat race once again.
One thing is for sure, out of all of this I’ve learnt to never take my car (and the friends and loved one who have driven me around for the last four weeks) for granted ever again.
Wish me luck…